I am so Thankful for YOU

Psalmie,

I just wanted you to know how very thankful to GOD I am for you.

You are a bright light in my life and in this world.

You are well into your 6th year--and you remind me nearly every day that you're "not seven yet," but you are looking so very forward to being that old--SEVEN!  It's funny to me how "age conscious" you are.  I suppose it's due to all the kids at school comparing ages--it must matter very much, I'm guessing, who is the oldest and who is not.  I wonder if they make you feel somehow more "immature" because you are very nearly the youngest in your class.

I was almost always the youngest in my class, too.  And while it did get frustrating, at times, that I was always "late" in experiencing every major milestone of childhood, I look back now and wonder why or how I ever allowed it to bother me.  But I suppose we do, to some degree, no matter who we are.

You make a beautiful six-year-old.  You're the kind of six-year-old they base book series on:  you are funny and sassy and smart and act as if you're 16 much of the time you're talking.

A few weeks ago, there was a "Show and Tell" at church, and you didn't want to take any of the toys that you own and normally play with because you were concerned that they were "for babies."  (It was apparent to me that the older kids in your class are probably making note of everything they think "is for kiddies" or whatever they want to call it these days.)  When I heard you say that, it hurt my heart, because I know that you are already having to deal with the pressure of "what everyone else has to say"--and it's not coming from adults--it's from kids your own age.

I hate that kids are trying to pressure you to grow up so fast.  What they don't know is that THIS is the time to be having the time of your life!  THIS?  This childhood?  It only happens once, and then it's over and the world of adult responsibility moves in, and nothing is the same, ever, again.  I wish I could just TELL you that.  Help you know that it's "okay" NOT to grow up so fast, to have fun, be imaginative, for as long as possible.  Be happy where you are!

I hope you're having a great childhood.  I pray that you are.  

Today, we drove to Ft.Smith to get birthday gifts.  Every now and then, as you do, you would turn to me and say, "I love you, Mom."  (Recently, you asked me if it was "okay" if you called me "Mom" instead of "Momma" or "Mommy.")  I looked at you, for as long as I could afford (I was driving!) and said, with all my heart, though I'm not sure you knew it at the time:  "I love you, too, Psalmie."

And I do.

Psalmie, I love you with all of my heart.  You are such a blessing to me, such a miracle from God.  I love you more than you could EVER know...the word "love" just isn't enough, it seems, in quantifying my feelings for you, sis.  

Blessings to you, my darling girl,

Love forever & ever,

Mommy

Your First Audition

Something MAJOR happened this week that I wanted to record here for you:  you auditioned for your first play!  

I am so proud of you!

I had heard there were going to be auditions for the children's musical, "Junie B. Jones."  The community theatre here in Poteau is producing it.

When I asked you if you were interested in auditioning, you were very enthusiastic!

I explained the auditioning process--that it might be difficult to actually get the part, but you were not swayed:  you wanted to audition, come what may!

The evening of the audition, we went to the Poteau High School choir room.  You were dressed in this cute but comfortable outfit that was, I thought, "so you" when I went to Walmart to find you something new to wear.

I had looked at outfits that really weren't you--some of the clothes were animal print and "racy" for your age (not you); several were "church dresses" (fine for Sundays, but not your style throughout the week); some were too "branded"(you love Minnie and Frozen, but I wasn't sure that was the vibe you wanted to send).  As I looked through the racks and shelves of clothes, I found that I was faced with a serious decision:  Do I dress you up to be someone you're not?  Or do I find something that is YOU?

There were so many things to choose from that I just stopped and prayed.

That was when I found a really cute shirt (with the Minions on it!) and a pair of jeans.  The shirt was PERFECT.  It had all of the Minions on it, but they were all making faces, "acting faces," and the shirt colors were among your favorites:  purple and gray.  It was three-quarters sleeve, a baseball style shirt, and it looked just like you:  cute, laid back, and sassy.

Everyting started coming together--I found socks and shoes rather easily--and I made it home to change you just in time to get to auditions.

We signed the list and filled out a questionairre and then sat in the floor of a hallway for about an hour awaiting your turn to audition.

There were some things I had to talk to you about:  They weren't going to allow me to come in to the audition to watch--or help--with your first audition.  So I wanted to make sure that you understood that you needed to smile and speak (and speak loudly and clearly/articulately when you did) when they asked.  I also let you know about the auditioning process:  I knew they were going to ask you to sing and read.

No matter what I said, you were nonplussed.  You just looked at me in the way that you do and said, "Okay, mom." You were so calm the entire time we waited, actually.

I was the one battling nerves, but not you.

And when it was time for you to go audition, you just got up and went on in there like you'd been doing this all your life.

There you were, six years old.  You often say to me, "I'm six years old, and I know what I'm doing." You sure seemed to know exactly what you were doing that night!

I waited a long twenty minutes or so in the hallway--they wouldn't let parents peer in through the door or stand too close to it--just praying that you were okay, comfortable, appreciated, welcomed.

And then, after a long wait, here you came--out the door with a big smile on your face!  

(I was so relieved!)

Two of the older girls that helped with the auditions found me and told me how cute you were!  I thought, "Well, that's a good sign!"

And then, on the way home, I asked you what had happened, and you told me that you had sang (in front of total strangers!) your ABCs to P and read for two parts!  You said things like, "I read for the part of Ms. Whatshername (though you knew her actual name).  And you told me:

 "The big kids helped me with words I didn't know."  (You'd gone in with four other kids who were much older than you--sixth-eighth grade!)

"How many words didn't you know?" I asked.

"Three," you said, confidently. 

I couldn't believe it. You sounded like a pro, like you'd done this a million times!

At the end of your audition, the director had come outside and looked the four parents who remained in the hallway in the eyes and said, "Parents, we had so many children come and audition.  This is going to be a very difficult cast to choose.  We had lots of talented new faces...."  I already knew what she was saying.  The Junie B. Jones books are so successful, tons of kids came out to be a part of the production!  When I looked at the sign up sheet when we got there, I estimated there to be about 50 kids auditioning.

We waited with everyone else the three long days for the cast list to be posted.

You weren't on it.

You told me that morning when I talked to you, when I tried to explain that you weren't going to be in the show but we would go watch it,  "I'm okay, Mom."  

You're so grown up already.

Your words made me feel much better about the entire thing.  I had wanted you to be in that show so badly--I thought it would be a great First Show with which to get involved, but it just wasn't God's Will for now, was it?

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Days before the audition, you and I had been discussing this new opportunity and the auditioning process.  You were so excited.  I tried to give you some idea of what it meant to be in a show.  But I kept explaining that, "Even if you don't get a part, we will still go see it, okay?"  

And that's when we held hands and prayed.  We prayed for God's Will, not ours, in this situation.  We prayed for favor (which you received) and the Right Thing to happen.

And it did.

One of the things I wanted you to know, Psalm:  We trust God in EVERYthing.  In EVERY part (no pun intended, it just worked out that way) of our lives, we give it to Him.  He knows what's best.  We can TRUST HIM.

I love you, kid.  

You bless my heart every day.  

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Post Script:

I am reminded about the passage in the Bible that says that all of the stories of Jesus are not recorded in the Bible--if they were, they would fill a huge book!  That's how I feel about this blog, sissy.  I wish I could sit down and record all of the wonderful stories about your life, every day! You are wonderful every single day.  You bless me every moment of every day.  I love you so much, my darling girl.  So, so much!  

The Favor of God on Your Life

Dear Psalmie,

Sister, you need to know that the Favor of God is upon your life.  I've seen it innumerable times in the past couple of years, and in the past couple of weeks, specifically, and I wanted to record some ot these things here so you will never forget them.

When I'm talking about the Favor of God on your life, I'm talking about a "favor" He has given you with people, and in life in general.  God has His hand on your life--it's obvious, sis--and it's important to me that you understand that GOD is the one who has given you that favor.

I suppose, for me, when I saw it the most--and most shockingly, perhaps--was the summer of 2013, the one we spent in Florence, Italy.   It was incredible to me to watch His hand upon you.  People were drawn to you in unusual ways.  In Italy, an elderly woman got up to give you her seat on the public tram (she was ELDERLY, and you were not yet 5 years old!); a street vendor GAVE you a toy, free of charge; the nuns who worked in their store next to the Duomo (we frequented the store during our stay in Florence) WROTE YOUR NAME DOWN before we left so they could pray for you.  They also gave you an incredible FREE gift, a pendant of Mother Mary, the Miracle Mary pendant that Mother Teresa famously gave out to people.  Sis, they loved you everywhere we went.

This year, too, I see the favor of God on your life.  At Camp Bravo, out of several other students, you were chosen as the outstanding member of your group. (And you MISSED the first day of camp because you were sick with an ear infection and I had to take you to the doctor!).   At our PFA VBS, you were chosen for a game one night, the outstanding student of the group the next night, and you WON one the scooter for your group in a drawing.  (You only had your name entered once--because you brought your cousin Whittany with you to the VBS.  Sis, you only had ONE SLIP and it was the one drawn.)

These are just a few of the things on my mind to tell you.  But I wanted to tell you:  if you follow The Lord and His precepts, to the very best of your ability, His favor will continue to rest upon you.  I pray, always, that it will rest upon you for the duration of this life and in the one to come (when we meet Jesus). 

One word of caution, if I may:  Don't take His favor for granted.  THANK HIM every day for it.  Thank Him for EVERYTHING:  provision, protection, blessings, favor.  HE IS THE SOURCE, SIS.  Hang on to His hand all the days of your life.  He will BLESS YOUR LIFE, I can promise you that.  And I can say that because I've seen it from the beginning:  He is all over your life.  He has set you apart, and that means that He calls you His own.  He has plans for your life, sis, and the Bible says they are GOOD! (Jeremiah 29:11).

I love you, and I love that you love Jesus.  Never let go of His heart.

Love, Mommy

P.S.  Having the Favor of God on your life does not mean you will be perfect, or make all of the right decisions.  Just, please, if you mess up, DON'T GIVE UP.  Just do what the Bible tells us to do in I John 1:9:  "If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  This verse tells us that we must always keep the lines of communication open with Jesus.  We must talk to Him, even about what we have done wrong.  Don't hide things or keep secrets.  (He knows what we've done, anyway.)  Just talk to Him. Tell Him you messed up, and exactly what that sin/"mess up" was.  If we "repent"/confess, the Bible tells us He WILL forgive us.  No matter what it is that we've done, if we're sincere and serious about our regret, He will hear us and forgive us. AND cleanse us--meaning, He makes it right again.  Sis, it's important not to just flippantly say, "I'm sorry," but to get before The Lord and truly apologize for our wrong-doing.  (And our intent, when we apologize is to NEVER mess up again!)  When our hearts are right before The Lord, repentance is something we WILLINGLY do, we want to do, because we want to be in right standing with The Lord. And, sissy, there is NOTHING like being in right standing with The Lord.  You can hear Him and feel Him and know Him soooooooo strongly, sooooooooo tangibly.  I wish everyone knew the relationship they could have with our Lord.   That's why we must tell them.  

I love you. 

Your Kindergarten Graduation

Dear Psalm,

You graduated last night, from Kindergarten. And I held it together, I did.

You'd asked me, the day before, "Momma, are you gonna cry at my graduation?" (I had told you I'd try not to, but I couldn't make any promises.)

I didn't cry. At least outwardly.

At one point, watching the video that your teacher had put together, I thought I was going to "lose it," I felt the tears welling up...

And then I had the good sense to turn and look at you.

There you were, in the back row, laughing and talking to your friends, with a huge grin plastered on your face. You weren't concerned in the least about what was going on, about the Mammoth Moment I thought this was. No, you were happy, so happy, that I felt the tears receding. I suddenly didn't feel the need to indulge in my selfish moment of nostalgia.

Because this was Your Moment--and you were obviously HAPPY in this moment.

Smiling to myself, I held the camera up and tried again to get a picture of you smiling, laughing, smiling.

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I love you so, darling. Thank you for being a constant source of inspiration to me.

I'm proud of you--so very proud of you.

Love, Mommy

I Love You, Sis

I just wanted to tell you that I love you so very much, Sissy.  Right now, you're lying by my side, your dolly next to you, snoring softly.  

You are five and a half years old now, and I know that you won't want or need to be by my side like this for much longer, but I just have to say that I cherish these moments with you.

I love you, Psalmie.  Always and Forever.

Love, 

Mommy

"I Told My Friends at School That Jesus Lives in My Heart"

A little over a week ago, we were driving back from an evening dinner at Red Lobster. Seemingly out of nowhere, you started telling your daddy and me about a theological discussion you had had on the playground at school.

"I told my friends at school that Jesus lives in my heart," you said.

"You did? That's awesome, sis!" I said, truthfully taken aback by the declaration.

"Yes. But Kylie said that Jesus is everywhere."

"Yes, Jesus is everywhere," I said, trying to agree with you.

But this isn't what you wanted to hear. You got mildly irate, then, and started adamantly telling me: "Kylie said Jesus is everywhere but I told her that, no, Jesus lives in our hearts!"

I could tell you were upset about this conversation you had had with Kylie and I breathed a prayer that The Lord would direct me in what to say to you.

"Psalmie, Jesus IS everywhere, but we have to invite him to live in our hearts."

"Oh," you said. "Well, Zane said he doesn't believe in Jesus."

"He doesn't?!" I felt my heart drop. I couldn't believe there was a child in kindergarten, in your class, who didn't know that Jesus was REAL.

"Oh, sissy," I said. "You and Kylie need to tell Zane about Jesus."

"We will, Momma," you said. "We will tell him tomorrow."

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Psalmie, I don't know when you will read this blog, if ever, with adult eyes, but I wanted to talk to you about some important truths related to this real-life conversation between us.

1. Grown ups argue about doctrines like you and Kylie did about where Jesus lived. Both you and Kylie were right, you just didn't know it. As you grow older, you will realize that Christians argue about all sorts of things like this--and, sis, while we're arguing, there are people, like Zane, who need to know Jesus. Don't get caught up in the doctrinal arguments, sis. Not much, if anything, is ever accomplished by them. Focus on Christ and letting your light shine.

2. Grown ups also try to complicate "Spreading the Gospel of Christ"--but, sis, I hope you never lose the approach you have now. You just simply say what matters--that Jesus lives in our hearts (if we ask him to)--without having to memorize awkward pre-written statements or verses. Witnessing to others, letting your light shine? It's all about keeping it real, keeping it simple. Don't let people convince you otherwise.

P.S. I guess you DID talk to Zane the next day. When I picked you up from school, you told me that Zane said Jesus lived in California. After you told me that, I said, "Well, that's a start!"

Watching FROZEN with you

Right now, we are lying side by side in my bed with our iPads. You are singing along with Anna and Elsa, and I am enjoying every second of this time with you. I just HAD to record this, write it down, so I could remember this, so you could remember this, one day.

You have your stuffed dolly, Doc McStuffins, cradled in your right arm, and you're frustrated because you can't get the subtitles to come on so you can read along with the dialogue and songs.

I love hearing you sing all of the songs on this soundtrack. You learned them so quickly! I love how you sing them loudly and with feeling. I think one of my favorites you sing is, "Do You Want to Build a Snowman" and "Let It Go." When you sing them, you sing them as loud as you can and with feeling. I love it, sissy.

Tonight has been one of those nights when I can't help but notice how grown up you are, how quickly time is passing by, how much I wish I could just "Pause" times like these...

I love you, Psalmie. We've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to write to you on your blog. But I want you to know that your mommy loves you, Psalmie. With all of her heart. Always and forever.

Love you, darling girl,
Mommy