You Read a Book to Me This Morning

There you were, this morning, reading.

You came holding a little paper book they had printed at school. "Momma," you said, "You need to sign this!" And I know by now that what that means is that I'm to review something and verify that I have reviewed it, seen it. When I saw the book in your hands, I knew you were to read it to me.

"Okay," I said. "Go ahead and read it to me and then I'll sign it!"

You read the title page and opened the little paper book with care. And then you started reading.

When did you learn how to read?!? Since when are kindergartners reading books in their first half of their year?!? Was I reading this soon?!?!

You read with confidence. You knew the words. You followed each one with your finger.

I think it was about a child going to the library. But I really couldn't focus because I was too busy watching you read.

I couldn't help but stare at your continually morphing profile. You there, with your glasses, downwardly gazing onto the page. I watched your nose, as it held your beautiful little glasses, how it bobbed ever so slightly as your mouth opened and closed. And then your mouth...

Since when did you start forming words like this on your own? You are reading lines, not haltingly, as if you are just learning words, but, rather, like you've known them all along.

When did this happen?!? When did you get so grown up?

And then you were finished and you looked up at me with your expectant look--and you could see Mommy was proud of you. I saw the corners of your mouth pull into a wide smile when I applauded you and told you over and over what a smart girl you are.

And you are, Psalm. You are, already, such a smart girl.

I am amazed by you, but I often don't get any length of time to enjoy that amazement I have of you...because you are continually doing fabulous, wondrous new things.

When you saw my pleasure at your reading performance, you said quickly, "Mommy, get a pen so you can sign it!"

And when I did, you had to hold it proudly, all the way to school, so you could deliver it, as you were asked, to your teacher.

You are a darling little girl. Not so little, anymore, I'm afraid. I just want you to know, Psalmie, that I am so very proud of you. SO. VERY. PROUD. OF. YOU.

I love you, darling girl, always and forever,

Mommy

I Love Your New Look!

Dear Sissy,

I love your new look!

Last week, we picked up your first pair of glasses--and you've been wearing those adorable Hello Kitty frames every day since!

You look adorable, and I love watching you in them!

Daddy said that you remarked, on your first morning headed to school with them on, about how you could see the trees and clouds so much better!

I'm so glad you can SEE!

Thankfully, the school did an eye screening and determined that you were in need of glasses. Daddy and I had no idea you needed them and were slightly shocked when they sent home a paper suggesting we get your eyes tested by an optometrist. When we saw the optometrist, it didn't take long for him to confirm your need for glasses.

I have heard stories from parents saying that they didn't realize their child had massive vision problems until they were in junior high or high school. Can you imagine not being able to see the details of the land and sky? Can you imagine years of missing that?

I'm so glad we did this NOW! I'm so glad that you didn't go for years, unable to see. I'm so glad that you were given a test, and that people cared enough to tell us that you couldn't see!

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Spiritually, sissy, it is my prayer for you this morning that you do not wait years to "SEE" your need for our Lord Jesus Christ. It is my sincere hope that you will realize your need for Him early, as early as possible, and be able to live more of your life SEEING the details, what is truly important, living life to the FULLEST!

He has so much to show you! There is so much to SEE!

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I love you, darling. And I am so proud of you.

Always,
Mommy

BLESSINGS ARE FROM GOD

Sis,

The earlier in life you can learn this--that blessings come from God--the earlier you will begin to live and BASK in the blessings of God.

One thing we learn from reading the Ten Commandments? That God wants (and deserves!) our praise! He does not take kindly to being placed anywhere other than first priority in our lives. And He does not appreciate it when we take credit for what He's done, or when we give others credit for what He's done.

I'm not saying don't thank people for what they give you, assist you with, etc. But what I'm saying is that in your thanks, don't forget--ever--to publicly proclaim that you thank GOD that someone Blessed you, and that you feel God's blessings on your life!

I can truly tell you this from experience: when you praise Him every chance you get, you'll find that He gives you more reasons to praise Him! I am serious, sister! Make it a POLICY to always thank God for EVERYTHING.

Yes, thank Him for your food. Stop and say a prayer, a heart-felt prayer, even if it IS memorized, even if ppl look at you "funny" for it, even if no one else gives thanks. YOU stop, pause, put your head down, close your eyes and breathe a word of thanks to the ONE that makes your life possible.

You hear me?!

Give Him honor in your life. YOU WON'T REGRET IT!!! Mommy is telling you from experience: when you praise Him, WATCH the blessings pour in. When you make right decisions, give of your time and energy to Him, SOW into His church or ppl in the community, WATCH Him pour into your life.

The Bible says that we will reap what we sow--and that is SO TRUE!!! But it's not like a formal "Law of Gravity" or something. It's because HE IS WATCHING US. He DOES see what we do. He IS an active part of our lives, this world. Don't be deceived by philosophies. I don't care what they say. Sister: you've got to believe me. THIS IS FOR REAL. GOD IS THERE. HE SEES YOU. HE SEES ME TYPING THIS. HE TRULY CARES ABOUT US.

It is my hope that this letter is just an affirmation of a life you are already reading. But if, for some reason, in the future, my daughter reads this and she is uncertain, I beg you, Psalmie, to believe!!! And I dare you to TRUST HIM, and TRY HIM, and watch as He provides MIRACULOUSLY in your life.

Sis, I'm convinced that the greatest deception in the entire universe is the lie that the enemy has spread about Jehovah. He is NOT what the haters make Him out to be. Sis, He is WONDERFUL, COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE. LISTEN TO THAT, WOULD YOU?!?! AND TELL OTHERS!!!! This is the most important message of all--pray that people's eyes will be opened, that God will reveal Himself to them--and that they will receive what He has done for them, on their behalf and begin to start walking in that--walking in the blessings for the rest of their lives!!!

No matter what comes, no matter what happens, SIS, I BEG YOU TO LIVE BY HIS WORD and then SHARE IT with whomever He sends your way and into your path!!! This is too important!!!

I have so many regrets! I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to UNDERSTAND how UTTERLY AMAZING our God is. I'm telling you this in the hopes that you will read this and know that passion with which this was written, suspect the CONVICTION with which this was written. AND SEE TO IT THAT YOU INVESTIGATE IT further.

And, sis, it's not enough to stay at a level where you just believe with your mind and heart. That's great. BUT THERE'S MORE!!! There's this level that is available to us, where we can LIVE IN HIM daily, see HIM at work in our lives, like, UTTERLY.

I love you with all of my heart. And it is my utmost desire that you know our Savior as I have come to know Him--and even more deeply than I have, more personally than I have. I hope that you don't wait as long as I did to submit your life to Him and WATCH HIM WORK WONDERS!!! Because that's exactly what He will do.

Remember, God looks not at our ages, but upon our heart. THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL--whether or not our heart is pure before God.

I love you, sis. Right now, I hear you playing with your toys as you take your evening bath. You're singing, making up stories, and I LOVE IT. You amaze me. In every way. I am so very proud of you--and will always be proud of you and love you. No matter what.

I love you, I love you, I love you, darling girl,
Mommy

(That love is a force to be reckoned with--my love for you will transcend my presence on this earth. Capito? Rest in that.)

"Just Buy What You Need When You Get There"

Dear Psalm:

In two days, we leave for your first international missions trip, and I am so excited to be able to go with you and Daddy on this trip!

We have saved and saved and trusted God for an entire year about where to go, and it seems He has directed our path to Florence, Italy.

We are going to Florence for 25 days, and it's incredible, really, what God has done, what He is doing!

I have been working to pack our things, doing my best to THINK and THINK about what all we might/will need for this trip, but I have this feeeeeling that I won't remember everything, you know?!

I said as much to someone a day or two ago.

"Just buy what you need when you get there..." they offered.

I just stared ahead, nodding politely.

The truth is that we don't have the money to just buy whatever we need when we get there. When I say that GOD has provided, He has! And "just enough."

One thing you should know about our Lord, or at least my own life experiences with Him, is that He often provides by giving us "just enough." I think He does this so we don't forget our Source--He is our Source--that we rely upon Him and don't get to thinking that somehow WE did this or that.

At the same time I say that God provides "just enough," it is true, too that He is the God of abundance, our God of abundance. And I want to explain that.

If you look at my salary and Daddy's salary, you would see that there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that we should be going on this trip in the first place. GOD provided the way. He literally made things come together so we could even THINK about going on a trip like this one.

He moved upon a couple in our church to give us the money to purchase all three of our plane tickets. Miracle.

He moved on the hearts of my mom and dad to give us $1000 for this trip. They don't have this kind of money to give, sis. It's a miracle.

He moved on a precious lady at our church to donate monies she earned by putting things into resale. She probably contributed $500, in sum, to this trip.

He moved on Muldrow Church of God to ask Daddy and I to speak there. There offerings from a 4-day revival helped to cover the additional apartment rental cost for Serai coming.

I'm telling you all of this to tell you this: You can TRUST GOD for every part of your life. We look with our fleshly eyes. We see what we see. He can make ANYTHING possible. Whenever you catch yourself saying or thinking, "I can't do that. It's impossible," then I beg you to close your eyes and say, "All things are possible with God." "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

And let me say this: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING HE CALLS YOU TO. If HE called you, He will equip you and He will finance it. Take care of your finances; do the best YOU can do. Do your part: pay your tithes. And then wait for God to bring in "just enough" for the dreams He has put in your heart.

And then, watch, as HE brings them to pass.

I love you, Sissy,

Mommy

You Graduated from Pre-K Today

Today was your last day at Pre-K...You're officially a Kindergartner!!!

I'm thrilled for you, sis, I truly am...But I must admit that I can see time slipping through my fingers--you are growing up so fast, and it seems like time slows for no one, even your desperately wishful mother.

I see so many changes in you, such growth! such life! such enthusiasm for all things moving and curious and alive! You inspire me, Psalmie, to be full of energy and curiosity and love and life! You are fearless!

I cried when your teacher sent home all of your materials from Pre-K! I recognized the "Psalm" sign from over your cubby, the "Psalm" birthday sign; the "Psalm" name card that was taped on your table.

I will miss taking you to class, seeing you walk (or run, if you have energy that particular morning) over to the mat with the alphabet, where you always sit on "your letter": P.

Everyone tried to warn me about how fast time flies, how quickly you would grow up. I suppose I foolishly thought that it wouldn't be like that for me. That, somehow, I could slow time.

I would slow it, sis, if I could. Enjoying every second with you more than ever before.

But I can't. So your Mommy compensates by holding you a second longer than I should when I have the opportunity, crushing you to me with a little more force, trying to "imprint" that moment on my spirit...

I'm not in denial of your growth; but I can see what's coming, and it frightens me. You are growing so fast that I can't sit and just enjoy the moments. Time speeds by and I feel like I'm being cheated by the tick-tock-tick that I never actually hear! But there it is, silent and lethal.

Right now, I'm watching you pose with your plastic glasses in the hall mirror. You are a sight! I love your humor and your smile and the way your eyes smile when you are truly laughing and pleased with something.

And, that's what I must focus on! Your love and laughter. Your sweet smile and infectious laugh. No matter how much time steals away, I will always treasure THESE MOMENTS.

I love you, baby girl. Always and forever. No matter what. To infinity and beyond.

I'm thankful to God for your presence in my life. So thankful.

Love,
Mommy

Take Care of Your SELF

Darling Girl:

Mommy wants the best for you. You know that, right?

In my observations this evening on social media, I found myself "mentally filing" notes for you. I just want to give you a heads up about the following:

1. Use sunscreen and take care of your skin. The sun damages your skin. You can't tell it so much when you're young; but you will be able to tell. Also, it seems to me that as time goes on--perhaps an ozone depletion issue?--the sun's rays seem to be getting more and more dangerous. Use caution, dear Psalm. You only get one skin.
2. Avoid tanning too much. It WILL age your skin. I have been guilty of tanning, especially in my youth. But you want to be careful because it can really do some damage! And you don't want to be addicted to it and/or be orange because of it. There are some women who can't tan and they look 20-30 years older than they are by the time they hit 35 or 40. And beyond that, it appears they have a "hide" for skin.
3. Think long and hard before you even think long and hard about getting a tattoo. You have to live with that the rest of your life. Honestly, just promise me there will be a "waiting period" before getting a tattoo. They look appealing sometimes, but I promise you, you will regret a "trendy" tattoo received in haste. (And I know this may sound hokey, but promise me that you will PRAY before you get a tattoo, okay? Really seek God about it? Make sure that you feel like you have "clearance" from Him.)
4. If you live a hard life, it will age you. Beware of people singing the joys of the "carefree life"--it can get you in a heap of trouble. People think it's not a big deal to sleep around, for instance, but it really changes you somehow, wears you, ages you. Plus, it can be a health hazard. Beware, darling, girl, of anyone who tries to tell you that a life of "sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll" is anything but de-railing. They pay a high price for their "freedoms."
5. If you drink too much, it will be readily apparent to everyone by the time you're 35. It ages you. (Look around at people who drink too much, party too much. It's sad. And the older you get, the sadder it gets.)
6. Be sure to marry the person GOD has for you. And fight for that marriage for as long as you both shall live. God intends for us to grow old with our mate. There are reasons. Pray, pray, pray...and remember, your marriage is a BLESSING from God. It affects you, your children, the generations.
7. Do everything you can to keep your heart right before God. Pray, Talk to God, Stay in His Word. If you take care to take care of your relationship with God, you will find the kind of happiness that is evidenced by your facial expression. Seriously, sis. When I look around now, and I'm in my 40's, and see those who have done all they can to follow God? You can TELL. They look younger, fresher, more AWAKE somehow. You will see this, too! God really takes care of us! If we live our lives before Him, honoring Him with our bodies and behaviours, we reap the benefits!
8. Do your best to develop a discipline of exercise. Develop a habit so you can rely on your discipline when your energies start lagging later in life. Develop good habits now that will sustain you in future years. You will need to be physically fit.
9. Eat right. Try your hardest to eat good, healthy foods. It will make a difference in your body!
10. Guard your friendships. Friends are hard to come by. When you find a TRUE FRIEND, do as Shakespeare wrote and "grapple him/her to your soul with hoops of steel." You cannot BUY a good friend. Treat them well. You will need them!

Sis, I wish I could sit down and write and write and write about every little thing I think you might need to know in future years. Things I will tell you if God allows me to be with you as you grow into adulthood. But I want you to know this above all else: THE MORE YOU FOLLOW GOD, THE MORE BLESSED YOUR LIFE WILL BE.

Time flies by, sis. I look at you these days--you're 4 1/2 already--and I think about how little time I have with you...Cherish every moment you can, sissy. In just a day or two, you'll be with your own little one/s, thinking about how quickly time goes by...

GOD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN OUR LIVES, SIS. That's why we must give our lives to Jesus Christ as soon as possible. TRUST ME, SIS. He has your best interests at heart. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you!!! He is the reason we have HOPE!!! He is the reason we will all enjoy eternity together!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Take care of Your Self, Sissy,
Love, Mommy

Watching *Steel Magnolias* As Your Mommy

In 1999, I had the opportunity to play Annelle in the CASC production of *Steel Magnolias." The experience was enriched because I got to perform with my best girlfriends at work--Paula Reif, Dana Dinsmore Davis, Wanda Harris, Shara Olive, and Joyce Woodruff. Bill Day directed it.

Tonight, 14 years later, I found myself sitting in the audience, taking it all in as a spectator. Shara Olive was in the show again, this time playing Shelby's mother, M'Lynn. Bill Day directed the show.

It was bittersweet watching the show again. Part of me was transfixed on the production in front of my eyes. Part of me was transported to that same stage 14 years earlier. And part of me wished I could have been up there on stage with them.

I used to love being in stage productions. I miss it greatly sometimes.

Will you be as drawn to the stage as I have been in my lifetime? Will I get the opportunity to watch you one day on stage? I wonder at you, wonder if you will find joy and interest in this richly enhancing part of me and my life.

Tonight, though, as I watched the show, I couldn't help but think about how much has changed in the years since I had been in the show. For one, I have YOU now. And watching a show like *Steel Magnolias* is poignant enough when you have a loved one with diabetes (my sister, your Aunt Heather), but there's something even more touching about it now that I have a child--now that I have you.

M'Lynn's love for Shelby? Yeah. That's how it is. That's how I feel about you.

I hope one day maybe you and I can go see the show together, or maybe I will get the opportunity to watch YOU perform in the show. Or, who knows? Maybe God will allow us to play in the show together one day! I'd really love that, you know.

It would be a supreme joy for me to perform with you on stage one day.

But if something happens, and we can't do that, then know that I am with you in spirit. Always.

I love you fiercely, darling girl. Fiercely.

When I Hear You Play

These days, you LOVE playing with your miniature people and Barbies. I can hear you in there right now, in your room after school, playing with them, making up dialogue, staging a play of sorts, entering into that Make Believe world that you create so well that I often have to call your name several times to get you to disengage...

But I love listening to you play. I love hearing how creative you are. You're already writing plays of sorts, already knowing who says what and when...You're brilliant. Really. And I'm proud of you.

You're only 4 years old, but it seems you have a wisdom beyond your years, a gift, a talent...You can create and replicate characters of all types--assign to them new abilities, jobs, because you don't have to mimic their presentation.

For example, sometimes, you can make your Veggie Tale characters into characters that they aren't. They become, rather, whatever you need them to become.

When I hear you play, I am inspired. It makes me want to sit and write. It's as if you spark a creative chord in my soul, and I feel like I can write again.

[And here I am, with keyboard in hand...]

When I hear you play, there are moments when I realize that you are using conversations that we have had during the day--you and me, me and dad, you and dad, you and sisters--and that's when it suddenly occurs to me that nothing much is getting past you--and that you are learning MANY, MANY things from us. Good AND Bad.

One day, I heard you in there with your characters, and one was saying to the other that he/she didn't want to go to church:

"I don't want to go to church!"

"You have to."

"But I don't WANT to go."

"It doesn't matter what you want. You're going!"

Those kinds of conversations in your play make me wonder if I'm explaining things enough, reasons, rationale. And I wonder if you're old enough for that. Is it time to expound upon my decisions, time to explain the WHYs and WHY NOTs?

[Sometimes, I really wish there were a manual for this parenting thing.]

When I hear you play, darling, ultimately it gives me great cause to THANK THE LORD for the opportunity to be your Mommy. I LOVE my life since you have entered it. You will NEVER know (until you have a child of your own one day) how much you delight me, inspire me.

I love you, always and forever,
Mommy

"I Love You in My Heart": Your First Official Prayer Meeting

While it's true that you have grown up in and around the church, and that you've attended many prayer meetings in your first four years of life, this was the first time you talked to me about the prayer meeting itself and told me that you prayed--and what you prayed about.

We were in the sanctuary, and when some of the people sitting wanted to go down to the front to pray, you grabbed my hand and told me you wanted to go, too.

Your sisters asked if you wanted to stay seated with them and pray, but you told them you wanted to go pray with your Momma.

So we held hands and walked down to the front pew. I sat down and you knelt, and then you jumped up quickly to get me a tissue.

"Here you go, Momma," you said. I took it and smiled at you. You've been with me many, many times when I've been to the church to pray. You know that I'll probably need one of those.

You knelt down at the first pew, next to me, for a minute or two, and then you asked me if you could go sit with your sisters.

Later, as we were preparing to get things ready to go, I asked you if you prayed.

You said you had.

"What did you pray about?" I asked.

You whispered back at me, "I told Jesus, 'I love you in my heart.'"

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I thought of all the prayers I had sent up during the one-hour prayer meeting, hoping that they were as well-received as I KNOW that one was. And I wondered if I had said as much during my prayers.

"Jesus, I love you in my heart, too." I think, typing this.

Psalm, you are a great blessing to me, darling, and a source of great joy in my life.

I am thankful to God for you, Elizabeth Psalm Yandell.

Love,
Mommy

Little Miss Independent

I know you're growing up, I do. And I know that's the way it goes.

Your baby grows up.

But yesterday, I was met with that reality in a way I just wasn't prepared to accept.

For the first time EVER, you didn't bring your "night nights" to me to put on. When I heard you coming to the table, I turned, expecting to take the jammies you picked out from your closet and help you put them on. I mean, that's how we've done it now for years...

But when I turned around, you had your "night nights" on, and there were no mishaps. No shirt turned backwards, no pants inside out. Your head wasn't stuck in the armhole.

It looked perfect.

You'd done it yourself. With no help from me.

With no help from me...

I felt a pang of regret at that moment, combined with a certain pride that you are growing up, smart and sassy enough to pick out your own clothes and put them on for yourself....

But I couldn't help but think: She doesn't need me to put her "night nights" on anymore.

And, apparently, this is how it goes from here on out. You learn to do things for yourself, make decisions for yourself, and me and my role diminishes until you are out in the world, wholly free and responsible to live your life and make your own decisions.

I am reminded of how little time I have with you in "The Grand Scheme of Things," and it makes me want to hold you, more tightly, just like this, just how we are now, so I don't miss a single second, a single opportunity, of life like this.

I want you to know that I am very proud of you, so proud of the little person you are becoming.

I love you, Little Miss Independent.